I Hope You Dance Lee Ann Womack

I Hope You Dance Lee Ann Womack
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. Dance….I hope you dance.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Does it get easier?

This week a young woman that I really didn't know apart from reading her blog and her posts at another Breast Cancer group....  She hadn't posted anything since around January , I was checking nearly every other day. According to what she had written she wasn't doing that well.  She was young in her very early 30's. A mother of 2 young sons and she was a wife, she loved her family They loved her back equally too. Allison died the other day. I recall one posting she made her mom thought it was time she consider Hospice  There was a lot of rage against the mother in one particular posting group.  For one minute  walking in her shoes  If we were the mother of a daughter who's cancer was progressing  rapidly, she was becoming weaker.. If we had a child who was dying who's to say how we'd react.. I remember writing I didn't think the mom meant malice towards her..nearly had my head bitten off too..  Cancer makes you feel helpless. .I honestly believe she had her daughters comfort in mind. Not some insidious plot to put her away. There is still so much stigma  associated with Hospice & Palliative care. 

I have spoken with others who are still re-current free. We seem to be on the same page that we are just as scared today -if not more at times.  The thought in spite of pretending you don't think about it, or family and friends think you are cured just don't get it you're blown off  only to be told why worry about something that isn't there? But it is there somewhere lurking..
Folks will tell you you shouldn't think those negative thoughts.  
Fact is we live it.. Allison Lutz lived it every day since she was diagnosed...  So many before her and there will be many after her.

We are all so fragile.... 

Rest in Peace Dear Allison...... I didn't know you but you touched my soul.......

Love Alli......XOX  


  1. Alli, before I go any farther… The reply window on your blog is too small. Plus it scrolls up out of sight and for my writing style I need to see most of what I’m there on the page. It feels like my words are being eaten or I’m writing an epic novel on a pocket calculator which makes me claustrophobic. Can you change it? Do you need help changing it? It wouldn’t stop me from posting a comment but that tiny space makes it feel like a government form, a fortune cookie writing class, or, don’t take this personally please, like you don’t want comments. So that’s my graphics student remarks.

    As mentioned on Facebook I may not be the expert on how to attract readers, but I have lots of experience in discussions through Facebook and responding at other people's blogs. In fact, I've been told to save my comments for my own blog and not "waste" my great comments showing off in public when I could get credit for them on my space. Like I do this to be famous? Not likely.

    Thing is, as a long-time letter writer, I write TO people. So when it’s a post on my blog it’s written to me which is weirdly NOT personal or supportive or helpful because I always get mad or depressed. So I need that “other person” in my mind to reach out to, like to you right now, to help redirect my energy and make a message more than just a rant or a downer. My style and not sure it works for everyone.

    Some comments from Reading your blog –
    Does it get any easier? Is a good title and a good point about the reality of living with chronic illness. It becomes a state of being, and since most of it is hidden it seems unreasonable to dwell on it. Well, except it isn’t “over” or in the past, and sure as hell, no matter what, you will wake to it tomorrow morning. This not say we are professional sick people without choices but we do carry a weight many people can’t see and as hard as it is to explain it, their understanding us is just as hard. So, in a way our being who we are limits the number of readers every time we mention our difference. We speak in almost a code of the unfamiliar to an average reader and that can make our blogs of limited interest to “outsiders.”

    Of course as you say, we don’t want to write about health issues. But there they are. So what if there’s a different way to present them? Don’t mean to sugar coat them or diminish how unsettling it is being susceptible to the return of something horrible that can’t be escaped.

    And I need to stop here to think this out as it just came to me reading a handout at the psychologist’s office about resiliency. BTW, my psychologist says I’m fine so I won’t just wander off Plus she suggested I learn to operate with Chemo-Brain rather than keep feeling beaten by it.

  2. Alli, an extension to yesterday’s comments. I’m really sensitive to lack of feedback and that’s one of the things that’s so frustrating about dealing with my medical people. Mostly I blamed it on my rural location but it turns that not only is the main cancer institute that is “treating” me at fault for not understanding simple communication etiquette, my doctor is even worse (and I can see her office from my back deck). Will blog about this soon.

    Aside from system failures, there is something in the network of cancer bloggers that fails too and I wonder if you would like to have an open discussion about it on the Cancer Mentors Facebook site? Cancer is a taboo subject for general discussion (like mental health used to be) and that amplifies the loneliness many of us feel.

    I’m also interested in resiliency and what it is about cancer that robs us of skills we HAD that went away somewhere. Like staying focused, shifting from one thing to another and feeling sooooo stuck.

    For me, my blogging is mostly a minor activity. Thinking about what to blog or looking closer at a situation as if I was going to blog about it keeps me aware of other people who might be having a harder time of it. Facebook makes me more extroverted and connected to the community. It feels more direct and I almost always get comments. More tomorrow.

    1. Scott I would be very much interested in participating . You are right there is still a stigma attached when there is any sense of trying to have an open dialogue. Time to move past that and discuss what ails us. My previous blog I admit was somewhat dark and moody but that's the way I felt I didn't feel happy or was I grateful either. A friend who's daughter has cancer always had the tendency to compare us. It's impossible we are two separate people with different cancers...different treatments Sorry Scott but your medical situation is deplorable.
      I think that would be a good topic to tap into..... Alli x

  3. I'm 11 years out from breast cancer, so I know exactly what you mean. You're right about hospice. They're not just about death and dying, but making a difficult life more comfortable. xoxo, Brenda